My personal Episode as a Criminal at the Zoo.

You have to understand, I love my father and the things that he has done has just made him more comical, I had thought it best to include one of my own plotted out moments of revenge. I was like very few kids a very bad one when it came to five finger discounts. I admit I was then when the security tabs were first placed in to and on Cd’s. I was about when door scanners were not even installed in most places and a young teen we all had to start our bad habits somewhere. Before I was born as a Mall-rat I was a normal kid who paid for everything, with security guards who practically raised me.

Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don’t hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent – I don’t care which one – but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.

I was a saint, I never wanted to steal or hurt anyone ever. But then one afternoon I had gone to the Zoo, and it changed my life forever. I had a brother who I admit was connected with on a higher level of conscious, to many times had we communicated on the same fears and aspirations each of us seemed to have.  I could explain a story to someone about my brother and my brother would bring up the same story when they met that person.

He was amazing, the single best thing that I have ever known in existence. I thank the universe every day for the love we shared which was more then true unconditional but on a soul bounded kinship that words will never be able to do it justice… .

Anyway.. My saint brother had been saving up for this Safari hat, it was all he wanted when dad was going to take me and my cousin to the Zoo. It was a trip I was really excited about, but in the end it came to be something I would bring hell fire down on. I was a bit more then over protective when it came to my brother. I had no issues knocking the hell out of a lesser grader if they picked on him. Most of the time they had not but every once in a while they had, we can push it to the extent I would very much like to see you suffer over a lava pit or being given a sponge bath with sheets of broken glass.  There was an -Instant Hate- literally it was like a switch it was either on or off, and trust me you never wanted it off. I can hold a grudge like a 2 year old with a cookie.

Same way with grudges.

Anyway my brother goes to the zoo maybe twice ever 4 – 5 years so it was a big thing for him. Plus he got to go with Chris who he seriously loved and he was able to go with Dad as well. We got in to one of the stores and they Didn’t have the safari hats that he wanted but they had some white ones made out of cloth. We brought him in and there he was paying for something with his own money. We were all so happy, he put the hat on his head and with his heart full of light he rolled out the door.

Slightly outside this shop of hell there was a puddle and it was filled with perhaps some of the grossest things there. You have to understand we just arrived we had this idea of playing safari adventure and travel the out back and hidden jungles.  We brought binoculars and were ready to document any existing creatures and study the ones we had never seen. We were set, but it was then he hit a pothole, a speed bump and off flew the hat. right directly in to the mud, granted we had purchased it just a moment before. I rushed in immediately to talk with the sales associate or the manager and they both stood there like Gandalf the White.

No, was in all the answer I remember saying.. “Its your pothole. You are really going to do that to him? ” The light switch was ON. My next comment was “I am 12 but I know you have a policy for damaged goods that you received. ” I was trying to reason with a mountain and I was failing no matter how the wind may howl the mountain will not bow. This only poured gasoline on my existing flame, the problem was I wasn’t a flame I was the Hiroshima.

I was in all moments… Katie… Kaboom.

I had decided right then and there not to give a shit, I had made one of the most adult decisions ever. Which was, what was the worst they could do? They couldn’t send me to Jail, the worst would be Juvie but I would have to steal like 500 dollars worth of items just for Juvie. I would also have to get caught. My obsession with puppetry and magic tricks to good use. I walked out at first with the a few things to see if anything had worked if an alarm would get set off and one was in plain sight, next thing i knew it was on. There wasn’t an alarm and what ever genes were on went crazy, my brother had an electric wheel chair and i am certain I ended up shoving about 300 to 500 dollars worth of items in to that chair,  and my pockets when we got out it was only then anyone had seen what I had done.. My dads mouth was open, my cousin as well, same with my brother. I should of been more impressed with the fact the both of them were walking next to me the whole time. Or the fact that I was shoving things in Irl’s chair, still none were the wiser. Not a clue of them knew the kind of Cat Burglar I could of been.

I’m not just pussyfooting around this time, Batman!

A normal dad would of been Shocked. Mine was… A normal father would of scolded me.. Mine started to… it was then he looked to me as I pulled out the New and totally awesome 75 dollar safari hat that  I handed it to my brother and my brother smiled. He had been depressed that whole day, he came back with more Zoo merchandise then he could ever imagine. I had at least five hand fulls of Zoo pens, I had rolled up t-shirt, animal tracks music CD, movies documentaries posters toys beanie babies that were way over priced. I had astronaut candy and various of their types of candy, I had small games and if you think I couldn’t find room I did. My dad was in horrible Awe when he saw it and more and more my brothers face was lighting up.. I felt like Robin Hood, but with an awesome cape. We paid 30 dollars for a cloth hat that was really about 4 dollars.

My brother had been crying before, down right upset at the oil and everything that was soaked in to the hat. But when he had seen my one and only Robin hood moment he gave loose a big precious moments smile. Those giant green and large pupil eyes stared deeper in to me. I could see him looking at me while I posed like Peter Pan, a common criminal. Here I am standing with my gift to you. Joy. I would honestly go a little over board when my brother cried.

It's hard to say no, even to the statue.

It’s hard to say no, even to the statue.

I watched him light up like it was Christmas, he was the only one who said anything.. “You shouldn’t of done that… But thank you… ” My dad was like… “See this.. if they treat you like shit… Fuck ’em..” We all laughed.  But me I look back on it, and out of all things the one piece that survived the years of being a kid was none of it. Except the memory, that in itself is worth it.


TO comment: Since then any time I have gone to the Zoo I have donated money, I have paid it in full but I still donate. A stain on my soul I guess. I suppose its me trying to pay them back. But in other words, its an amazing place and I was just a kid.


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