Why I am terrified of snakes.

Alright I have my reason for hating birds and chickens but that is not a case of being afraid. I have an Dr. Jones fear of Snakes and Possums. Snakes though I freeze up I can’t really handle along with silverfish. Silverfish has always creep me out as well. But nothing like Snakes.  In the summer of Missouri it will get hot, intense heat of 120. When you are growing up on the farm there is not much you are not allowed to explore.  I was allowed the whole back yard, and any fence I could hop over so long as we did not deal with the road in front of our house that caused the death of so many pets and animals.

Snakes why did have to be snakes.

It was brought to my attention that there was a number of baby chicks missing.  I was in charge of counting them and 8 was the number I had to count to every morning.  At this time I saw something move beneath the leaves in the yard and ran to get my father. My father was still in his days of He-Man and Conan the Barbarian. I ran up to the house faster then Sweet Brown.

I didn’t grab no shoes or nothing Jesus.

After about ten minutes of convincing my dad what me and Dr. Jones knew to be true that, there were snakes and they were in our back yard and worse then that was they were near the house and chicken coop.  Now this was not a small population. what so ever, then again it may had been after all I am personally taking a step back in to my mind of a 5 year old girl. A very frightened five year old.  It seemed our house was amazing it was a little of a hill not much butt the incline kept rain water washing away, we had a crawlspace under the house that was dry and heated.  The fire place heated both the above and some of the crawlspace in the winter.

It came to our attention later on how bad the set up was for snakes. We had a constant incubator going. Cast iron stove to cook on and a fire place, the fireplace alone set everything up for the snakes to live and breed and snag what ever baby pets were about. This is the main reason the bunny population never went anywhere.  We had a snake problem and we knew it wqas close we went hunting out by the trash area, the barn under the chicken coop and nothing.  My dad and Whiskey, our amazing dog who was an alcoholic and would not drink any water unless you placed a shot of whiskey in it, decided to go out and try and find the snake whiskey had chased the snake through the leaves towards our long driveway.

This type of scene is enough to scare any child in to defecating themselves.

By this time our whole family was out there to see what the hell was going on. This snake must have been living under the house for years said the Missouri Conservation at Mermac State park. The snake had a home underneath the crawlspace of our  home and not just him several others of his kin lived there as well. My dad took it upon himself with his no fear of the wild to go and grab this snake. He finally caught up with it and grabbed it from the tail and lifted the tail end up in the air.  Dad had said you can swing a snake like a whip and pop the head off.   and I think that was going to be his attempt however he was helicoptering it.  from the tail he was swinging the snake high above in the air.

Our dog was jumping with joy at the thought of the play toy that was going about in circles.

Our whole family ran out to see what was going on and we were in shock at the size of this snake let alone Conan the Daddian was out there defending the property off like any other Caveman possibly could.  Whiskey had jumped up and finally clamped down on the head of the snake. The snake popped in half. It broke in half dad was painting the air with a small bit of blood and then there was Whiskey who was treating the snake like a pair of shoes out to destroy.  Out popped three suffocated baby chicks.

As a child I was mortified. I never wanted to be wrapped in a blanket, I didn’t want to step foot outside, we had to get under the house evacuated because of all the snakes. My mother and father came up with a brilliant idea. they were going to make a snake cake, I loved sweets so if maybe I ate the snake cake then it would be OK, I wouldn’t be afraid of snakes.

Yesss I am yummy but I am going to eat you from the inssssside.


Just plain… NO.

I refused to eat that cake, they could of dolled it up with Caramellos and truffles and I was still not going to touch that cake. It was going to rot, they were kind enough to CUT OFF THE HEAD, and place it on my own plate. It was bad, but what was worse was Whiskey our beloved alcoholic. Decided he was going to chew and EAT the damn thing. So while father thought this was the perfect idea on how to get me over my fears I ran for my life. No shoes or nothing.

I took off through the kitchen went to my room and ducked under covers. Mother made me a sandwich while the rest of the family had spaghetti, thankfully I didn’t come to dinner, Cause I love Spaghetti.


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